Cate in the Sahara

Getting back into blogging means getting re-acquainted with blog statistics.  The number of readers coming along to view my blog is pretty poor compared to the good ole days when I had a devoted following, especially for 'Jess' and other fantasies that I shared.  I suppose technology has moved on and I don't think I could write like I once did.

The reason for the latter is pretty simple.  I am not getting any. 

When I first started this blog I was having so much sex I couldn't believe it.  My lover and I would have marathon sessions and it often took days to recover.  I know I shouldn't be proud of my illicit behaviour but we really did do it well.  I miss that.

But I don't miss the conflicting feelings.  The frustration of going home to a spouse who never noticed my disheveled appearance or the extreme exhaustion that went with it.  Putting two and two together would not have taken much effort but he never even tried.  I wanted so much for him to care.  For him to notice me and to be willing to fight for me.  But as long as I appeared to be the perfect wife, then who really cared who I was underneath?

And then there was the frustration of being with someone in such an intimate way, sharing something so powerful and yet knowing there was no future to it.  I adored him for the way that he had set me free but deplored him for keeping me in a box, safely removed from the rest of his world.  I wanted more and I knew that I could never have it.

So now I am surrounded by a lot of dry sand.  I have had sex twice this year and I don't see me having sex again before the new year begins.  When I look at the two options available - disinterested husband or a distant lover - neither one appeals.  I'd rather wait for something more worthwhile.

So my apologies to anyone who has come here to read about my latest sexual adventures.  There's nothing to tell unless I were to write about the joys of a very good vibrator but I did that ages ago so I am going to give that a miss and stay focused on my end goal - to get out of the desert and the marriage that keeps me here.

I'll get there.  I'm determined.

Cate xxx